5/16/2003

Have to
keep an eye
on myself
going about the business
of dismantling
no
allowing to dissolve
so many misunderstandings
about
what I thought
was real
but is not
sick
to my stomach
one minute
ready to run
the next
recalling
at the last second
this is
what it is like
when
things fall apart
no matter that
you did
everything you could
to precipitate this end.
Not that I think
reality
precludes dreams
or fantasies
and their indispensable capacity
to move us
in the best of
all directions
but
without measure
they steal life
from under one's nose
and
this is a critical time
when
a dangerous imbalance
must be redressed
if there is to be
a chance
to say
in the end
I was glad
I was born
this once
but think
I will skip
going around again.