12/26/2003

A wide spread
wing of fear
moves slightly.
More than that
would be leveling
waking me immediately
with a gasp
as if
coming back to life
a landscape of inadequacy
and failure
vivid
in every detail
stretching out before me
the muscles
in my chest
beginning to contract
involuntarily
though not as quickly
as I have become
accustomed to
a voice
observing
that’s a lot of fear
refuses to be taken in
by the suggestion
that inadequacy
and failure
are all there is
when it is clear
though barely getting by
we have been
doing so
for a million years
or more.
No face of the sacred
is so exclusive
that we can justify
closing our eyes
to the revelation
of a new beloved
when she appears.

12/22/2003

Not the end
of the world
but
the darkest day
of the year
he envied those
who found comfort
in
the cabaret life
and the dance hall
where everyone was
kicking up their heels
because
he was unable
to rest
for more than
a minute
now and then
the food
he had to get
to market
and into the stomachs
of those
who are hungry
before spoiling
an undertaking
possibly failing
those waiting
dying from malnutrition
eating from plates
heaped high with
rough stuff
a vanishing ability
to distinguish
something worth
sitting down
to table for
from what they have
convinced themselves
though
not to their taste
is good enough
for consumption.

12/21/2003

It happened
in the time
it took
to look away
at the black cloud
of birds
crossing the sky
and back.
For two decades
they were best friends
then
one realized
the ambition of
the other
was too profound
to ignore
and
at odds with
his own relinquishing
of similar effort
while the other
saw
that where
there was once
open discourse
now
there is
a thin layer
of judgment
to bridge
no reason given.
On
good terms still
each other’s well being
a matter of
mutual concern
something is dead
that may never
be resurrected
one of those lives
that simply passes away.

12/19/2003

The species of
small animals
none of whom
are real
resembling
creatures with which
we are familiar
is distinctly
something else.
Able to speak
intelligently
with people
their geographical movement
is
by inclination
and choice
limited to
at most
a few miles
their lives
and interactions
however
are as complex as
diplomatic relations
on a global scale.
Capable of ferocity
and passion
they are
more often thoughtful
and considerate
bloodshed
a rare
serious breach
of natural tendencies.
They tend to
close relationships
with humans
as companions
not pets
with whom
they are also on
good terms
and
while it is easy
to confuse the two
at a glance
despite the discrepancy
in appearances
a spoken word
addressing you personally
changes everything.

12/18/2003

His sleeping lover
lies
curled up
the curve of
her bare back
pressed warmly
against his side
his eyes
wide open
looking out into
the comfortable hotel room
half lit by
the nightstand light
that is on.
He has
an important job
to do
and
far less than
a good idea
of how
to go about
doing it
which is
what is
keeping him up.
He can hear
the choir singing
but cannot make out
the words
and while
a good night’s sleep
might be what
the doctor would order
it is the music
that demands attention.
Humming the tune
to words
he can only imagine
learning
on the job
something
of long standing interest
more is at stake
than
he would like
something
he repeats to himself
that can’t be helped.

12/17/2003

Not
among the multitudes
dropping like flies
by the minute
everywhere
from
nothing to eat
he looks for
what will fill
the emptiness
that remains
even after
he has eaten
well
having fished the past
for the everlasting
and foraged in
the pantry
for anything
more immediately satisfying
finding only disappointment
he has begun
asking
just what
he has never eaten
sounds good
unkind to anyone
making suggestions
that fail to understand
the difference between
need
and trivial pursuit.

12/12/2003

Caught up in
blazing a trail
through the woods
to the
wide open spaces
on
the other side
forgetting
the need for rest
comes with
the territory
I began
to fear
the trail
might not go
anywhere
at all
when
having gone
as far as
I could
the sight of
nothing but forest
ahead
left me
feeling spent
and demoralized
a poor finish
to what was
by any measure
a good day’s work.

12/08/2003

His death
slow enough
and painful
moved him
to hang
a large crucifix
on the wall
of his room.
Of all
the indispensable
make believe
addressing death
and rebirth
because this one
especially
is concerned with
an excruciating end
reflecting on its meaning
helped ease
his own leave taking.
Hearing this helped
when a dream
dropped its cargo
of fright
in my sleep
for
instead of bolting
I was able to
hold my ground
repeating
under my breath
one step
at a time
until
the delivery
changed its mind
into something
I found useful.

12/5/2003

He was
a self taught
thief
which meant
he had to learn
without
the safety net
a master
provides
for his apprentice.
His mistakes
were ample
his survival
of self-instruction
an achievement.
The wisdom
of discipline
and perseverance
emerged slowly
through resistance
and frustration
to any delay
in satisfying
the hunger
that drove him
until
sufficient skill
was acquired
to make success
more predictable
than haphazard.
Having come
a great distance
on gall
rather than
confidence
in who he was
and what
he could
get away with
when considering
the theft
of a lifetime
because
the opportunity
was obvious
though ready
he doubted
having become
the man
for the job
a crisis of faith
he had to
negotiate
one step
at a time
for stage fright
is
one thing
but a thief
requires nerve
most actors
can only admire.

12/1/2003

Revolutions
have their seasons
inevitable offspring
of fire and water
trying
to destroy one another
serious matters
not to be undertaken
except in dire circumstances
when other choices
are more ineffectual.
Only one trusted
is capable
when the signs
are right
of doing
what must be done
in a way that ensures
something better
will be a natural consequence
tactical insight forestalling
crimes of excess
meeting the needs
of those
trusting the chosen
to lead them
curtailing regrets
about the transformation
that will take place
in noted increments
of time
the connection to order
in the midst of chaos
making preparation possible
no action taken
in undue haste
bringing disaster
nor resolute hesitation
an equal danger.
When grievances
and cries for change
are heard three times
and each time
seriously considered
then
belief in the need
for change
can be trusted
and stepping forward
assures accomplishing
something desired by all.
With the crossing
of a single line
the joy in movement
that inspires participation
begins.
The older man
in deference to
the young woman
listening intently
to her every word
moves her in turn
to follow
of her own volition
the lead he has taken.
The ability to serve
through adaptation
to changing times
attracts those
whose willing support
is indispensable
but perseverance
in doing what is right
is crucial
if undoing what began
in timeliness
is to be avoided
surrender to
alternating periods
of work and rest
necessary
for success depends on
not exhausting oneself
with pointless resistance.

11/30/2003

He told her
in terms
lacking uncertainty
what he thought
of her decision
his gift for
intellectual
and emotional clarity
out of hand
in his ardor
punishing
in his disbelief
and disappointment.
Dreaming
his body
wracked with pain
of savage mutants
that assume
some of the shape
of those they devour
great hounds
without pity
that have to be
blown away
one after another
or else
left no room
for misunderstanding
the error of his ways.

11/27/2003

How
I became irate
has
little to do with
the many
who will die
today
or
the greater number
who will live
to see tomorrow
in a precarious
ecological balance
the letting go
because
their time has come
sometimes
as difficult as
going on
and
though everyone knows
you can’t save
all the people
all the time
nor
should we want to
the desire
to pick and choose
with an eye
to the elimination of
myriad manifestations
of evil
is strong
until
we become aware
of the predicament
raised by
who gets to do
the choosing.
It is
our little brutalities
accumulating exponentially
by the minute
every day
things said
looks given
casual dismissals
of one another’s existence
that have scraped away
my allocation of patience
as I am
forced to watch
the creation of
ignoble institutions
for overweight egos
with foundations in
the careless.
As
we are
and always will be
both brutish
and considerate
however
being irate
must give way to
my feelings for
the life force
in whatever
unpredictable shape
it may assume.

11/24/2003

We sat
in the evening
by the fire
wrapped in blankets
to keep out
the cold
warm plates of food
in our hands
she and I
sharing words
to live forever.
We talked
through the night
and the next day
until
it was dark
when
exhausted by
what we had done
we slept the sleep
of those
who have satisfied
a basic need.

11/23/2003

He sat
in the middle
of the road
having failed
to crest the mountain
his head
held up by
his hands
blood
streaming down his face
too dazed
to check for broken bones
vaguely aware of
first one
then another woman
passing by
eyes averted
no inquiry
about his fall
too afraid
even empowered
to risk getting involved
and
who can blame them
out in the middle
of nowhere
where
anything can happen.

11/19/2003

I arrive safely
in one of
the many cities
where I am
unknown
by everyone
check into my hotel
then hit the streets
in search of
answers to questions
raised by
the 60/40 rule
the best ratio
we can hope for
between
what is desirable
and what is not.
There is no
antidote
for death
except imagination
and
as soon as
it dawns on us
certain side effects
begin to emerge
that contort
a naturally imperfect
resolution
into convictions
we are willing
to kill
or be killed for
reducing the effectiveness
of the antidote
to that of placebo.
Pounding the pavement
all faculties
traveling in circles
makes me
hungry and thirsty
but
a quick stop
for a baguette
chunk of cheese
and bottle of wine
excuses me
for a time
from reflection
that will always
be there
like it or not.

11/17/2003

He lay
curled up
breathing
a little rapidly
getting ready to die
not today
or tomorrow
but soon
the rest of us
looking on
unable to
distract the inevitable
making the most
of having him
with us
for what remain
of his final days.

11/14/2003

She smiled
watching him
feed his hunger
taking her in from
head to toe
and
gave no quarter
by attempting
to hide her pleasure
at being
wholly appreciated
old enough to realize
her days are numbered
and
a time
will likely come
before
she is counted out
when
no man
will ever love her
that way again.

11/9/2003

It's clear
from the names
and descriptions
children
friends
livelihood
living alone
marriage
parents
illness
death
and
looking after
one another
that
these are words
made flesh
on the page
in our mouths
walking
back and forth
upon the earth
in the undertaking
of our time together.

11/7/2003

It sounds as if
there is dancing
in the streets
below
which is premature
as nothing but
a good idea
has yet
come to life
and
good ideas
like good intentions
often wind up
at a destination
other than the one
that got them
up and running
in the direction of
a just reward.

11/6/2003

A devout man
if he fails
to sit quietly
each morning
looking out the window
at the mountain
for an eternity
entertaining
whatever comes around
while others go
productively about
the business of
doing what they can
to keep body
and soul
together
the whole day
is shot to hell.

10/30/2003

I saw her
through the window
as I
was passing by
her fingers
wrapped around the handle
of a cup
not going anywhere
her chin
cupped
in her other hand
elbow propped
on the table top
staring out
through the glass
past me
at something
beyond appearances
everywhere
my glimpse of her
fleeting
as I kept walking.
She seemed in thrall
to some notion
of incapacitation
between herself
and ends
she had the wherewithal
to reach
a vivid thought
with backbone
more real than
any insight
my brief encounter with her
could reliably provide.
I shuddered
aware again
of how easily
we get
between ourselves
and the
measure of satisfaction
within our grasp.

10/29/2003

Not for a second
forgetting
the incipient idea
is there
I have managed
to keep busy
with other matters
instead of poking
tugging
or grasping at
the ephemeral
making time
for it
to do things
the way it likes
though I am
eager now
to get under way
and would appreciate
some word more
about estimated
time of arrival
than just
when it is good and ready.

10/28/2003

She sits
by herself
in the tropical dark
a makeshift light
shining
brightly enough
for her
to finish work
that must be done
before the sun
comes up
again
lifting her head
now and then
to catch
the warm breeze
seeking a face
smiling
breathing
returning
to her task
refreshed
by the world
at hand.

10/21/2003

Everyone
is here
at the ball
in costume
some
wearing wigs
others
with monkeys
or goats
dressed
in a dream
or large overcoat
dancing circles
across the floor
by themselves
or with partners
each celebrating
someone in whom
they have taken
refuge.
When the party
is over
all must return to
from whence they came
with none the wiser
about where
they have been
and what they did
disguised as someone
made up in
the nick of time
who could
keep a secret.

10/19/2003

People
entering the room
from
various directions
open and close
doors
noisily
repeatedly interrupting
my concentration
on
the unraveling
of another strand
in the great knot
picking up where
Alex left off
defeated
a mighty sword
his consolation for
an early death
nothing saved
for a life
after conquest.

10/17/2003

It was
a shrewd decision
hanging up his guns
when he did.
Still within reach
should he need them
the standing invitation
to see if
you could kill him
had been withdrawn.
Having learned
the letter of the law
is a poor substitute
for justice
he neither preached
tolerance
nor stood in the way
of any resolution
to differences
that satisfied all parties.
When he married Sophie
no one who knew
the bride and groom
was surprised
when the minister
blessed them
for knowing
what to share
and what to hide.

10/14/2003

Having
long ago
established his credentials
as an observer
with those in power
he called
everyone together
explaining his need
to participate
in certain activities
of great interest
to him
asking in turn
for their support
and guidance
in advancing
what was
on his mind
the nuts and bolts
of which
were beyond him.
Everyone
sat quietly
for a time
then
one
two
three voices
complementing one another
told him
what needed doing
to ensure success
assuring him
they would be there
every step
of the way
to see him through
what he wanted
to hear
after dropping
all pretense
about his strengths
and weaknesses.

10/8/2003

Having packed
my things
and loaded
the truck
I stop
sitting back
in the rocker
on my neighbor's
porch
nothing
on my mind
no regrets about
driving off
my old shoes
now
no longer fit.
It doesn't feel
like
I'm uprooting myself
exactly
though
the map I'm using
is as imprecise
as it is
informing.
The uncertainty
is inconsequential
because nothing
changes the fact
I no longer
belong
in the place
I am leaving.

10/7/2003

It's judgment day
and hail
the size of fists
rains down
on everyone
making
senseless behavior
the norm.
Those
wet and bleeding
who have remained
conscious
in spite of
the beating
taken
wisely seek
shelter
from their fellow creatures
violent
in their ignorance
and fear
indiscriminately
destroying others
like themselves
as well as
those
able to help.
Equally disturbing
is the laughter
in the background
from
men and women
delighted
by the madness
and mayhem.

10/6/2003

She smiles
and moves
invitationally
but says nothing
to confirm
what is unspoken.
I walk
unresisting
toward her
with no idea
how to behave
once I get
where I am going.

10/3/2003

We
mill about
now
talking
laughing
gesturing
a roof
over our heads
and four walls
containing all
who have come together
chanting
as we did
in the beginning
standing around
a great
hot fire
swaddled in
a starry night
seeking the eternal
when being transient
became unbearable.

10/2/2003

I overheard them
bickering
hammers and chisels
chipping away
at the rock
given to them
one asserting
it's all illusion
the other dubious
that eternal life
without being able
to remember
who you have been
might be
more appealing
than regular reminders
that
whatever it means
time speeds up
when you get
near the end
and then
you're dead and gone
so
keeping busy
doing something
that matters to you
may be
a better preparation
for what follows
than always insisting
life is unreal.
The other
had more to say
in response
but
what caught my eye
was
how much smaller
the rock between them
had gotten
since their exchange
began.

9/28/2003

I sat and listened
myself
largely forgotten
a blessing
as her voice
filled the room
unhurried and strong
until it
soared through
the open door
into the night
where
anyone about
could hear her singing.
I have outlived
jumping for joy
but
she reminds me
in performing
that I have earned
moments of satisfaction
that stop the clock
in honor of
what is eternal.

9/26/2003

They were
at it again
mother and daughter
no quarter given
in their anguished effort
to understand one another
doing damage instead
a blow to the heart
hair pulling
tripping
a kick to the head
each crying out
in foreign tongues
neither understands
no one watching
knowing how
to stop the fighting
it seemed
would go on forever
until
exhausted
weeping and hurt
the strangers embraced
seeking shelter
from something
uncomprehended
mother and daughter
in need of each other.

9/24/2003

I can’t see
any wisdom in
hiding my light
under anything
when there’s
so much darkness
everywhere
but
it has to be
closely cupped
in a high wind
which
we’ve had
a lot of lately
and that can
make it
harder to see
what with
all the debris
blowing
into your eyes
then flowing tears
washing them clean
a cupped light
can easily go
unnoticed
but better weather
is coming
and some dark night
soon
you’ll easily be able
to see me shining.

9/22/2003

They arrived
late
which set my nerves
on edge
with so much
yet to be done
then they
worked slowly
in the heat
understandable
to mend
the ruptured lifeline
disappearing mid-day
for an inordinate
length of time
returning
shortly before sundown
to finish
what they started
leaving a mess
at dusk
that has to be
carefully skirted
impossible to tell
if things
will ever
be the same again.

9/21/2003

Can you recall
the last time
someone said something
that really caught
your attention
she asked
staying with you
after the speaker
had gone
insisting
you touch
turn
and work
the raw material
into a greater
perspective
than you came
to the table with
perhaps a friend
an acquaintance
or a stranger
passing through
with something
unexpectedly important
to say to you
before leaving town?

9/20/2003

I couldn’t help
overhearing
their conversation
not
that I tried.
It was
a public place
though they were
in a world
of their own
the long silences
between
some things said
and heard
sacred waiting ground
a full measure
of effect
sinking in
before they continued
evolving a connection
of the most intimate
nature.
It was a privilege
to eavesdrop
on
such an exchange
between
a man
and a woman.

9/19/2003

Tokyo at night
an array of lights
steady
flashing
large and small
high and low
bright white
and color
in
a manmade landscape
still omnipresent outside
the hotel window
when the sun comes up
the next morning.
When a heart
breaks
there is no sound
to accompany the look
you see
on the face
of the person
in front of you
but
there you have it
irrefutable proof
you are not alone.

9/18/2003

He
overheard them
talking
in laboratories
and seminaries
about time
coming to a halt
everyone accounted for
at the crossroads
past
present
future
getting on well
together
on earth
as it is
in heaven
which
he could attest to
the quiet timeless
having unexpectedly become
more cradling
than grave
and intimidating.

9/16/2003

He stood
still
in the night
alone
looking up
arms hanging down
knowing
it would be over soon
another 30 years
perhaps
40 at most
and he’d be
like all the rest
who have stood
where he stands
amazed to realize
nothing
will cease to exist
when he moves on
his work visible
for a while
then
nothing left
for the naked eye
eventually
even the slight
unseen pressure
of his one time presence
origin beyond recollection
gone
laughing
despite his fate
that saving grace
will also fade.

9/14/2003

One hundred years old
and wise
beyond his years
he stands
next to me
looking at a painting
on a wall
in his house
appreciating
the way in which
several rough lines
rendering
the same approximate
geometric shape
achieve orchestration
the dark brown field
circumscribed in black
a big heart
not in shape
but location
of red orange
inside of that
and a heart
within the heart
of one ocean green
with still another
smaller
blue green heart
at sea
afloat
a worthy craft
the spitting image
of the still point
from which
all life emerges
and when I ask
thinking of death
if he is often afraid
he says no
more often
I enjoy being alive.

9/12/2003

I was looking
at
a volume of pictures
that changed the world
they said
the kind of proof
people
with little imagination
need
in order to realize
what
they never wanted
to happen
happened
as if
it seems
out of nowhere
when
the driving force
had been in motion
masquerading as
the best possible world
for some time
and taken
at face value
because
to do otherwise
would have meant
making a distinction
between
what is going on
that presages disaster
and pretense
which
if you've neglected
your imagination
you won't be able
to detect.

9/11/2003

Took my pulse
when I woke up
as I do
every day now
and found
to my relief
though forces
in the land
are mucking about
obstructing arteries
in the name of
all that's holy
there's still
enough blood flow
for a reading
and while
I don't know
who to thank
for this small favor
at least
I'm healthy
and able to wish
everyone else
the best of luck.

9/9/2003

His
magnificently oversized hand
faces me
big enough to stand in
if lying flat
preventing me
from going any further
not indefinitely
but for the present
a lesson in patience
I accede to
if not happily.
I seem to suffer
bouts of vertigo
just turning around
these days
before anything
comes into focus
which
no doubt explains
why I keep
bumping my head
on things
that weren't there
a moment before.
I wish
it were easier
to pay attention
to whom and what
matter most
but the tricky
in vogue
has taken me for a spin
and now
I have no choice
but to hang on
until the ride is over.

9/7/2003 - Begins Volume Two

We were
sitting around
talking.
I had a gun
in my hand
I should have known
was loaded
having
already been through
one of those
living hells
in which you realize
you must tell
someone you like
and are paying well
who has not
said a word
that
he did sloppy work
which has to be
redone
after swearing
you would never
work again
with anyone
whose shoulder
you had to be
looking over
to get things
done right
nerve endings raw
as a firing pin
when my friend said
the wrong thing
and the gun
went off
a bullet
entering his body
barely missing his heart
his own fault
part of me
certain I was rational
said immediately
losing ground ignominiously
to regret
for a carelessness
that nearly destroyed
something
that can’t be replaced.
I hurried to
stop the bleeding
and
fortunately
he will heal
but damage was done
and none of us
will forget
what came out
the barrel of the gun.

9/5/2003

Something
seems to be
up
with intruders
in the night
making sleep
difficult
prowling about
rather than
getting to the point
always irritating
the beating around
the bush
about news
someone thinks
you might not
take well
as if hedging
will somehow
take the edge
off
to which I say
trying to help
in your dreams
perhaps
but
nowhere else.